All the Married Ladies

By Shenikwa Cager |  

Saturday, June 13, 2004, San Juan, Puerto Rico is where my life changed forever! I married my high school sweetheart. We dated forever, but now we had officially become husband and wife. What a wonderful feeling! We left Puerto Rico headed to our 5 day honeymoon destination. We sat so close on that airplane we should have just purchased one ticket. We held hands, fed one other, kissed and could not get enough of each other and we hadn't even arrived at our destination yet. Those 5 days in Antigua flew by and now we were headed back to Dallas as Mr. & Mrs. Cager. I loved my new husband, my new name, my new ring, and my new life! Marriage is a beautiful thing; it has to be because God designed it and he loves it, right? Beyoncé has even written an award winning song about Marriage - Single Ladies (If you liked it then you shoulda put a ring on it). Sooooo my question is... Why does it seem like the single ladies are having more fun than the married ladies? It's as if the moment he put a ring on it things changed. OK, maybe I’m not talking about you but your friends. I know some of you are thinking, "Honey, I have been married for years and years and we are past that stage". Well, whether you've been married a short period of time like myself or a long period of time, I've got some news for you. I'm about to touch on a subject we don't talk about that often as church folks. I would like to challenge all the "Married" Ladies to have more SEX! That's right I said it S.E.X.! I have been married 5 years now and have a soon to be 3 year old and what I've noticed is if I'm not careful and don't make it a priority, SEX will completely fall to the wayside. It has nothing to do with my feelings towards my husband, but it has everything to do with these 3 reasons: I'm TIRED, I'm out of shape, and I'm TIRED! No seriously, the reasons why I believe SEX falls to the wayside in our marriage is because of being TIRED and a lack of communication. Sure, there are other reasons but I'll tackle those next time. 

I've spoken with ladies of all ages, colors and backgrounds and the one thing we all have in common is we are busy all the time! We wake up and immediately start our to-do lists. Here we go: leave the house, (come back because we forgot something, leave again) drop off the kids, drop off dry cleaning, head to work, organize the pot-luck at work, meet all the deadlines, eat anything that's not moving, check email, voice mail (but never the house mail until they leave a note that it's going back to the post office), leave work, hit the store, pick up kids, talk with teacher because someone hasn't been turning in the homework you stay up all night helping with, give a 20 minute lecture in the car about responsibilities, get in the house, everyone changes clothes except for you, start dinner or heat up something in the fridge that doesn't smell bad, eat dinner, clean the kitchen or maybe just think about it, tell hubby about your day-- but not really, inform hubby of things that need repair around the house, bathe the little one, go through the nightly drama of putting your child/children to bed and now you drag yourself to your room, take your clothes off, take a shower, put on something and roll in the bed only to feel a warm hand rubbing up and down your leg and you think.... ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!!!! So you act like you fell asleep in 30 seconds. He begins breathing hard and says, "You never want to have sex any more." For the 75th trillion time you say, "I'm just so TIRED"!!! You go to sleep and it starts all over tomorrow. 

I remember a time I played the "I'm just so TIRED" card with my husband and he said "It's funny how you're never tired doing all that other stuff." Of course, having to have the last word, I said "I HAVE to do all that other stuff" and you guessed it he said, "You have to do this (SEX) too. I probably said something smart at the time but I never forgot his words and I realized that what he said was right. One of my girlfriends calls it "BD" or in other words: Booty Duty. Like it or not married ladies we have to do it. I know if you're like me it's not that I don't enjoy sex, I just have to make it a priority and communicate more with my husband about sex. 

Here is our challenge ladies: Do not play the "I'm just so TIRED" card any this week. Let's make sex and intimacy with our spouse a priority starting this week. Also, if there is an area that you need your husband’s assistance TELL HIM! He cannot read your mind. Secondly, tell your husband one specific thing about SEX that you enjoy. Our husbands need to know that they please us sexually. Finally, initiate sex this week! Husbands know that they want us sexually but they need to also know that we want and desire them sexually. Hint: If you struggle in communicating about when you want sex, tell him that whenever he sees the candles lit; it's on. Or whenever that red light bulb is in the lamp; you know what that means. If all else fails, go to a Babyface concert. Let's spice it up ladies! He liked it so he put a ring on it, didn't he?!

(Brothers, y'all owe me BIG for this one)!